Laughing

Twelve-Year-Old:  Maybe the real Key to Time was the friends we made along the way.
…
Why are you guys laughing?

Gender Reveal

Twelve-Year-Old:  How does giant gorilla who’s sort of powered by lightning defeat giant laser gender-reveal stegosaurus?

Birth

Sixteen-Year-Old:  I don’t ever want to see a LEGO person give birth again.

Line of Sight

Friend:  I would like to get line of sight on the wolf.
Friend’s Wife:  Your mom has line of sight on the wolf.

Tends

Friend:  Which leg tends to be longer than the other?
Friend’s Wife:  Your mom!

Get a Frog

Ex-Wife:  [Sixteen-Year-Old], [Twelve-Year-Old], can you come get a frog?

Happy Birthday, Twelve-Year-Old!

Shrieking

Uncle:   So everyone’s looking as their phone or their computer, and his is shrieking.

Paralyzing

Nineteen-Year-Old:  Every so often, I am overcome with the deep, paralyzing fear that I will be immortal.  I get it.

Expel

Eleven-Year-Old:  I need to expel useless fluids from my body.
Me:  We will be home in one minute.
Eleven-Year-Old:  I need to pee.
Me:  Yeah, we got that.  As I said, we will be home in about one minute.  Do you want me to pull over so you can go in someone’s yard?

Father

Eleven-Year-Old:  I hate it when my father is right!
Me:  You must hate it all the time then.