Practices

July 31, 2018

Colleague: I was taught to drink liquor by my parents, when I was fifteen. I didn’t like most of their educational practices, but I appreciated that.

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Occupants

July 30, 2018

Colleague: Those are the two occupants of your tie.

Trashier

July 29, 2018

Me: It’s getting louder, more crowded, and trashier in here.

Shaker

July 28, 2018

Colleague: With a shaker, you can join any band. If someone’s playing on the stage, I join them with this.

Headlock

July 27, 2018

Me: It’s not a real party unless there’s a picture of somebody in a headlock.

Handle

July 26, 2018

Me: He said he could only handle one drink, but that’s like his fourth.

Ambiguities

July 25, 2018

Graduate Student: Why not just have a fucking cocktail, and deal with your sexual ambiguities later?

Cast Iron

July 24, 2018

Graduate Student: You don’t age wine in cast iron barrels, and the reason is it would probably taste a lot like blood, which is like your people.

Vampires

July 23, 2018

Colleague: You should also write: “There are vampires in Transylvania, and I’m living proof!”

Mincing

July 22, 2018

Colleague: It’s called a “Jew’s harp,” or a “jaw harp.”
Me: I think that’s just a mincing of “Jew’s harp.”