Kleenex

Friend:  I lost an egg into a Kleenex box at breakfast this morning.

Mattresses

Me:  I thought you sold insurance, not mattresses!

Glued

Seventeen-Year-Old:  These are the first two levels.  They need to be hot glued into oblivion.

Pulp

Me:  I discovered that I had lemon pulp in my hair.

Outlaw

Me:  Maybe I should join an outlaw motorcycle gang.

She really wasn’t.

Student:  I wasn’t keeping it a secret that my vagina was wrecked!

Dislike

Me:  I almost never dislike sausage.
Seventeen-Year-Old:  That’s true.  You are a sausage fiend.
Me:  Except this one time, I got blood sausage.
Seventeen-Year-Old:  No!

Vagina

Student:  The next day, it was like my vagina was literally broken!

Words

Seventeen-Year-Old:  There’s a lot going on in that… in those… in that combination of words.

Intersection

Me:  This is not an intersection on campus where I’ve been hit by a car.