May 31, 2011
May 30, 2011
Wife: Where do you get a utility bill after that?
Me: “Well, in a couple of days, I’ve got a tornado bill coming… from the Wind Company.”
May 29, 2011
Three-Year-Old: A saxophone is a kind of horn. Saxophone! Honk!
May 28, 2011
May 27, 2011
Wife: That all I have to say on the matter.
Me: I’m not sure that falls within the definition of “say.”
Wife: Fine: “burp.”
May 25, 2011
Wife’s Friend: You know what? I’m going to push you down and see what happens.
May 24, 2011
Drive-Through Attendant: Would you like any salt or ketchup?
Wife: Not today, thanks.
Me [under my breath]: She’ll be back for it tomorrow.
May 23, 2011
Three-Year-Old: I don’t like you, because you’re Frankenstyle!
Three-Year-Old: Yes, you’re Frankenstyle! It means you’re not nice!