Pasta

Wife: What is that on your arm?
Me: It’s pasta.
Fourteen-Year-Old: Pasta.
Wife: Is it from her mouth?

Road

Fourteen-Year-Old: No, I’m not going down that road today. No, don’t. Don’t! Fuck you, brain!

Minecart

Ten-Year-Old: You can’t ride in the same minecart as a chicken. That’s a true fact.

Goth

Rabbi: I think I look like a goth Hawaiian.

Spiel

Rabbi: Let’s get this spiel out of the gutter.

Mooning

Me: It seems like, of your close friends, you and [Her Boyfriend] do the least stuff together.
Fourteen-Year-Old: I know. That’s because we’re totally awkward.
Me: Do you just sit there mooning at each other?
…
…
Not the butts kind of mooning.

Dares

Me: The movie that dares to ask the question: Taxi dancer, prostitute—what’s the difference?

Screams

Me: It can be hard to identify background screams.

Pot Roast

Me: I had all-you-can-eat pot roast for lunch today. I felt like I needed the protein.

Yes, it’s my forty-first birthday.

Yeah

Me: Did you eat all of your lunch?
Six-Year-Old: No.
Me: Why not?
Six-Year-Old: I didn’t have enough time! It always…. Oh yeah, I did eat all my lunch.