June 30, 2012
Wife: How do you know?
Eight-Year-Old: I’m guessing.
Wife: And I’m driving off the road. So there!
Me: I think yours is worse.
June 29, 2012
Wife: Oh, god! Your wife’s already in a neck brace! Please don’t pull into traffic!
June 28, 2012
Five-Year-Old: I don’t know where my back teeth are.
June 27, 2012
June 26, 2012
June 25, 2012
Wife: I’m not going to breastfeed in front of a bunch of teenagers trying to decide on a Redbox rental. I have my standards!
June 23, 2012
Me: You need to wait an hour after eating before fighting with your sister.
June 22, 2012
Wife: Even carnies need managers.
Wife: Do they have less teeth or more?
June 21, 2012
Me: Why don’t you take a shower in the morning?
Eight-Year-Old: I’m not good at taking them in the morning!
Me: How can that be? Is it a different skill set?