Badger

Me: I eat one badger, and you won’t shut up about it.

Acorns

Six-Year-Old: I collected some of these!
Me: Acorns?
Six-Year-Old: I made them guess my name!

Onesie

Wife: Why are you doing a sexy dance as you put on a onesie?

Belong

Wife: Avocados do not belong in the bedroom.

Hemp

Friend: I’ve never had a hemp cake before.
Me: Is that like having a white pimp?

Roll-Ups

Six-Year-Old: Fruit Roll-Ups! Fruit Roll-Ups! I bet this one is going to be long!

Glazed

Me: The kids and I already bought you some presents. [Nine-Year-Old] wanted to get you something else, but we’ll have to buy it fresh tomorrow.
Wife: That doesn’t sound good. Is it a walrus?
Me: It is not a honey glazed walrus.
Wife: I didn’t say anything about honey glazed.
Me: I will repeat my assertion. It is not a honey glazed walrus.
Wife: Well, shit.

Pyramid

Six-Year-Old: Pyramid, show me where my things are!

Ursine

Me [as it thunders while I’m trying to light a fire]: Criminy. Really?
Wife: Maybe Thunder Bear is actually Smokey Bear.
Me: Well, there both ursine….
“Ursonifications”!

Inchworm

Wife: I’ve got to see that fungus if it’s centimeter inchworm cool!