Chainsaws

Me: You mention chainsaws a lot. How come?

Federales

Eight-Year-Old:  Why does Claire Dearing say, “I’m Claire Dearing.”
Me:  What else is she going to say?  “I’m Alfonso Bedoya“?
[Gold Hat accent] “We are federales.”

Lion

Me: There is not a dead lion by the side of the road.

Gotcha

Bartender: Can I get you anything else?
Me: No.
Bartender: Gotcha, gotcha.
Me: Gatchaman!

Kidney

Me: My toilet has kidney stones.

Christmastime

Me: It’s Christmastime, so run for your life.

Totalitarian

Me: I wanted a party, not a totalitarian political party! Maybe you should have put that on the invitation!

Glad

Me: I’m glad the mess I dreamed you made wasn’t real, cat.

Lad

Me: Yeah, they eat cats in China, in Canton.
Eight-Year-Old: Why?
Me: They eat everything in China.
Eight-Year-Old: Everything?
Me: Well, everything that’s edible.
Eight-Year-Old: Darn, I was hoping they would be like that superhero you told me about, who could eat anything.
Me: Matter-Eater Lad?

Parallelogram

Me: This apple looks like a parallelogram.
Eight-Year-Old: It does look like a parallelogram!