Mermaid
February 8, 2019
Me: Wait, it was the same mermaid for both of us?
Wraith
January 26, 2019
Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?
Mermaid
January 21, 2019
Friend: A gnome zombie has just clawed your…
Me: … “mermaid parts”?
Surface
December 10, 2018
Fourteen-Year-Old: They don’t know about sex. They know about surface-level sex.
Zone
September 16, 2018
Wife: Don’t underestimate your neck as an erogenous zone.
Fourteen-Year-Old: Thanks for that.
Fetish-y
August 16, 2018
Me: That’s a little too fetish-y for me.
Ambiguities
July 25, 2018
Graduate Student: Why not just have a fucking cocktail, and deal with your sexual ambiguities later?
Bisexual
July 13, 2018
Graduate Student: I’m a bisexual man. I like beer and mixed drinks.
Ghosts
July 1, 2018
Fourteen-Year-Old: I don’t really want to watch ghosts making love, but maybe that’s just me.
Mooning
March 26, 2018
Me: It seems like, of your close friends, you and [Her Boyfriend] do the least stuff together.
Fourteen-Year-Old: I know. That’s because we’re totally awkward.
Me: Do you just sit there mooning at each other?
…
…
Not the butts kind of mooning.
