Sensual

First Student [whispering]: Fuck you.
Second Student: Okay, fine. That was very sensual.

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Fetish

Colleague: That means he probably has a foot fetish.

Cobbler’s

Colleague: It’s like—what is it—”The cobbler’s children have no shoes”? The optometrist’s husband never gets his prescription updated.

Well

Friend: I love the well, and the well loves you.

Breakup

First Friend: The abomination sent you.
Second Friend: Did the abomination look like a fist?
First Friend: Yes.
Second Friend: What’s going on with you two? Bad breakup?

Rocks

Eleven-Year-Old: Massaging rocks never works.

Mermaid

Me: Wait, it was the same mermaid for both of us?

Wraith

Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?

Mermaid

Friend: A gnome zombie has just clawed your…
Me: … “mermaid parts”?

Surface

Fourteen-Year-Old: They don’t know about sex. They know about surface-level sex.