Breakup

March 30, 2019

First Friend: The abomination sent you.
Second Friend: Did the abomination look like a fist?
First Friend: Yes.
Second Friend: What’s going on with you two? Bad breakup?

Advertisements

Rocks

February 22, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: Massaging rocks never works.

Mermaid

February 8, 2019

Me: Wait, it was the same mermaid for both of us?

Wraith

January 26, 2019

Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?

Mermaid

January 21, 2019

Friend: A gnome zombie has just clawed your…
Me: … “mermaid parts”?

Surface

December 10, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: They don’t know about sex. They know about surface-level sex.

Zone

September 16, 2018

Wife: Don’t underestimate your neck as an erogenous zone.
Fourteen-Year-Old: Thanks for that.

Fetish-y

August 16, 2018

Me: That’s a little too fetish-y for me.

Ambiguities

July 25, 2018

Graduate Student: Why not just have a fucking cocktail, and deal with your sexual ambiguities later?

Bisexual

July 13, 2018

Graduate Student: I’m a bisexual man. I like beer and mixed drinks.