Sensual

June 6, 2019

First Student [whispering]: Fuck you.
Second Student: Okay, fine. That was very sensual.

Advertisements

Fetish

June 1, 2019

Colleague: That means he probably has a foot fetish.

Cobbler’s

May 26, 2019

Colleague: It’s like—what is it—”The cobbler’s children have no shoes”? The optometrist’s husband never gets his prescription updated.

Well

May 4, 2019

Friend: I love the well, and the well loves you.

Breakup

March 30, 2019

First Friend: The abomination sent you.
Second Friend: Did the abomination look like a fist?
First Friend: Yes.
Second Friend: What’s going on with you two? Bad breakup?

Rocks

February 22, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: Massaging rocks never works.

Mermaid

February 8, 2019

Me: Wait, it was the same mermaid for both of us?

Wraith

January 26, 2019

Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?

Mermaid

January 21, 2019

Friend: A gnome zombie has just clawed your…
Me: … “mermaid parts”?

Surface

December 10, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: They don’t know about sex. They know about surface-level sex.