Date
August 26, 2017
Me: What does it say on your forehead?
Thirteen-Year-Old: “Date night.”
Cheap
August 19, 2017
High School Bus Driver: I’m not cheap, but I’m easy.
Letter
July 25, 2017
Me: I just bought a twelve pack of unlubricated French letters for my daughter.
Sexy
July 1, 2017
Thirteen-Year-Old: This is a sexy pen.
Wife: This is a sexy pen?
Me: This is a sexy pen!
Girlfriend
June 17, 2017
Wife: He has a girlfriend?
Me: Well, sort of. They’re not officially dating until he’s in prison
Harem
April 27, 2017
Thirteen-Year-Old: It’s like a science fiction harem.
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Nothing. Just talking to myself.
Lipstick
April 24, 2017
Me: Don’t try to come between two people in love, especially if they have been eating lipstick together.
Flashbacks
March 26, 2017
Friend: That gives me flashbacks to my time as a gimp.
Cross-Sexual
March 24, 2017
Me: I don’t think that works in cross-sexual dominance displays.
Office
February 10, 2017
Me: Are you aware if this person was doing anything else weird with anyone else around the office?
