Language

Six-Year-Old: Now somebody knows my cat language!

Brain

Wife: I think I just threw up in my brain.

Smokies

Wife: Where are you going to get all-beef Smokies? Those things are nothing but pig anus!

Tub

Six-Year-Old: I’ve got moose all over my bath tub!

Fig

Six-Year-Old [singing]: Fig jam, Fig jam! Get out of the jar! I’m going to spread you!

Dinosaur

Wife: What do you think to glow stick does for the dinosaur?
Six-Year-Old: Makes it fly!

Finger

Wife: I want a Butterfinger.
Ten-Year-Old: Can I have some?
Me: Nobody better lay a finger on her Butterfinger.
Ten-Year-Old: What? Butt or finger?

Covenants

Me: So the source of all evil just happened to be right outside their yard?
Ten-Year-Old: Yes.
Wife: That what happens when you don’t have good homeowners covenants.

Dancing

Six-Year-Old: Dancing balloon! Do, do do!
Dancing balloon! Do, do do!
Dancing balloon! Do, do do!
Dancing balloon! Do, do do!
Dancing balloon! Do, do do!

In honor of my own birthday…

Prints

Wife: You’re just leaving GPS butt prints all over the windshield.