Luxury

Student: I am currently a big fan of cheap sunglasses and other luxury drinks.

Sheep

Colleague [reading]: “Tuesday we drink sheep.”
What does that even mean?

Spandex

Student: I may want to change into spandex, so I don’t keep flashing everybody.

Texted

Student: The last Punjabi who texted me, my mom had a very interesting night.

Ratio

Student: It’s all about the butt ratio.

Cobbler’s

Colleague: It’s like—what is it—”The cobbler’s children have no shoes”? The optometrist’s husband never gets his prescription updated.

Pimento

First Colleague:  What is that substance?
Me:  Pimento cheese.
First Colleague:  Oh, okay.
Second Colleague:  I like how you called it a “substance.”

Forgetting

Friend: I keep forgetting what your fake name is.
Me: Brittany.

Shards

Friend: You’re all covered with bone shards and brains and viscera.
Me: As a wolfen should be.

Canyon

Friend: Let’s not flood the slot canyon.