Burlap

Friend:  I pull out a burlap sack.
Me:  I’m not marrying you!

Digestive

Me:  There’s the one to clean out the digestive system, and there’s the one for treating infection.  Which are you going to take first?
Friend’s Wife:  Better take the purge first?
Friend:  Yeah, eat that green lizard!

Skittles

Friend:  In the real world that’s called “magnesium citrate.”  Tastes like Skittles.

Innards

Friend:  What’s the worst that could happen?
Me:  You know those sea urchins that can expel their innards?

Slice

Friend:  Home slice got bitten by a cat and almost checked out.

Flown

Friend:  Everything that has flown or crawled across central Florida, I have probably eaten it.

Bites

Friend:  Did he have any bites on him?
Friend’s Wife:  Did he shit as he passed on?

Spread

Former Student:  We can stop the plague by burning down the village and making sure it doesn’t spread.

Mean Cats

Friend’s Wife:  Just because you don’t want to eat your own ass, doesn’t mean cats don’t want to eat their own ass.

Tip

Colleague:  So he writes out, “Just the tip,” in orcish.