Threesome-Free

Colleague:  This is a threesome-free gaming group.

Lions?

Student:  Who is good with stone lions?

Serpents

Me:  Sea serpents.  Very dangerous.  You go first.

I will not let this joke go.

Me:  Do you want some of the mineral oil to condition your character sheet?

Papaya

Sixteen-Year-Old:  What’s the safe word for today?
Student [sadly]:  “Papaya.”

Harvard

Me:  She led us into a trap where a bunch of Harvard students disguised as Algonquin Indians beat us to death with chains.

Sour Cream

Me:  Do you want me to rub some sour cream and onion on your character sheet?

Flowing

Friend:  Very rarely do maps show rivers flowing through lakes.

Whoever

Friend:  Whoever arms the hippos first wins.

Proficiency

Friend:  I don’t have spear proficiency or stick proficiency.