April 19, 2017
Me [singing]: I saw Mommy sniping Santa Claus.
April 18, 2017
Nine-Year-Old: There is a beer lottery.
March 8, 2017
Five-Year-Old: I’m on the baconator.
February 16, 2017
Nine-Year-Old: Dad, can you tell [Four-Year-Old] that if his guys are trapped on an island, they can’t have a tank?
January 19, 2017
Five-Year-Old: The Batman part spawns boom seeds.
November 25, 2016
Nine-Year-Old: Step away from my Minecraft server, or I will ban you.
November 19, 2016
Four-Year-Old: Let’s build a sunngle fort!
November 6, 2016
Me: Is that the game with the food blimp?
November 4, 2016
October 30, 2016
Wife: Can you read?
Four-Year-Old: Merely. Every time they threw a flower, it just burned.