Portal

June 19, 2018

Wife: You have to pick up more portal poop.

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Shock

June 18, 2018

Me: Turn off the PlayStation. And pick up that DVD case.
Six-Year-Old: It’s the case for “Blow Shock.”

Control

June 12, 2018

Wife: It looks like Jell-O in the sky, but it’s really mind control.

Blocks

June 5, 2018

Ten-Year-Old: I can’t read his blocks.

Gravity

May 20, 2018

Six-Year-Old: I was going so fast, gravity didn’t get me.
Me: So you beat gravity?
Six-Year-Old: Yes.
Wife: What did you beat it with?
Ten-Year-Old: A stick.

Ancestors

May 8, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Maybe I can see the memories of my ancestors.
Wife: In your Play-Doh?

Dart

April 10, 2018

Six-Year-Old: I need a dart.
Me: No, you don’t.
Six-Year-Old: Yes, I do.
Me: You do not need a dart in bed. You absolutely don’t.

Minecart

March 29, 2018

Ten-Year-Old: You can’t ride in the same minecart as a chicken. That’s a true fact.

Patches

March 10, 2018

Friend: He also appears to be wearing a skirt which is made from patches of skin.

Gargoyle

March 9, 2018

Friend: Since I grew up as an imp, as a gargoyle, I know how far I can hit things.