Sniping

April 19, 2017

Me [singing]: I saw Mommy sniping Santa Claus.

Lottery

April 18, 2017

Nine-Year-Old: There is a beer lottery.

On

March 8, 2017

Five-Year-Old: I’m on the baconator.

Island

February 16, 2017

Nine-Year-Old: Dad, can you tell [Four-Year-Old] that if his guys are trapped on an island, they can’t have a tank?

Spawns

January 19, 2017

Five-Year-Old: The Batman part spawns boom seeds.

Ban

November 25, 2016

Nine-Year-Old: Step away from my Minecraft server, or I will ban you.

Snuggle

November 19, 2016

Four-Year-Old: Let’s build a sunngle fort!

Blimp

November 6, 2016

Me: Is that the game with the food blimp?

Bargle

November 4, 2016

Wife: Argle-bargle, pudding and pie.
Nine-Year-Old: Argle-bargle, pudding and pie.
Me: Argle-bargle, pudding and pie.
Nine-Year-Old: Transformers fly up in the sky.
Me: Kissed Megatron and made him cry.

Burned

October 30, 2016

Wife: Can you read?
Four-Year-Old: Merely. Every time they threw a flower, it just burned.