Snorlax

September 28, 2018

Six-Year-Old: You’re an adult. You look more like Snorlax.

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Jetpack

September 13, 2018

Me: That’s just what you need in an unstable cave—a jetpack.

Cat Boat

September 9, 2018

Wife: Don’t run me over with a cat boat.

Fixings

August 21, 2018

Me: Follow the trail of toy sandwich fixings.
Six-Year-Old: Did he troll?

Comb

August 15, 2018

Colleague: You can’t comb the hair on a billiard ball.

Pretending

July 19, 2018

Me: [Six-Year-Old], stop doing that.
Six-Year-Old: I’m pretending to eat him, like a gelatinous cube.

Reading

June 28, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Don’t shoot me in the back of the head while I’m reading!

Portal

June 19, 2018

Wife: You have to pick up more portal poop.

Shock

June 18, 2018

Me: Turn off the PlayStation. And pick up that DVD case.
Six-Year-Old: It’s the case for “Blow Shock.”

Control

June 12, 2018

Wife: It looks like Jell-O in the sky, but it’s really mind control.