August 31, 2013
Me [reading]: “Men working above.” I find that rather unlikely.
Wife: In the International Space Station!
August 30, 2013
Me: Don’t mess with one hundred thousand dead Jews.
Kick your ass.
Wife: I just said they were quiet.
August 28, 2013
August 27, 2013
Wife: Could you beat up that old lady and taker her hat?
Me: It would be too small for your head.
August 26, 2013
Wife: We need to stop and change [One-Year-Old’s] diaper, because he’s poopy!
Six-Year-Old: Ew! That’s gross!
Wife: That’s what [One-Year-Old] thinks too. That’s why we’re changing him. I don’t need your commenting on his feces.
August 25, 2013
Nine-Year-Old: Guess which one!
No! You can’t smell!
August 24, 2013
Me: There’s our boy, leaning against the trash can and stuffing his face with American cheese.