September 30, 2019

Twelve-Year-Old: Guess what I’m going to eat.
Seven-Year-Old: What?
Twelve-Year-Old: Spaghetti butter!
Me: “Spaghetti butter”?
Twelve-Year-Old: I call yogurt “spaghetti butter” for some reason.


September 29, 2019

Me: What one are you talking about?
First Friend: Avatar.
Second Friend: James Cameron’s Pocahontas.
First Friend: To be fair, they’re all Pocahontas.


September 28, 2019

Me: We’re wading into the krill.


September 27, 2019

Twelve-Year-Old: Come see what I built!
[Sound of a crash from the other room]
Me: Are you okay?
Twelve-Year-Old: Well, not so much built as “placed around.”


September 26, 2019

Friend: So you do stomp through the mountains when you go high-impact hiking.


September 25, 2019

Friend: Amidst your pain-induced fugue state, you feel pain as a substantial amount of skin is scraped off your neck.


September 24, 2019

Me: Was the water on this side salty or fresh?
Friend: It was mostly fresh, a little bit brackish, probably because of ion exchange across the portal.


September 23, 2019

Me: You can tell him Wolfgang got eaten by a yellow lipped sea krait.


September 22, 2019

Male Friend: I’ve learned a lot about what it’s like to be a pretty young woman.


September 21, 2019

Friend [reading]: “Magic snuff.”
Me: Not for foxes.