Cube

October 31, 2017

Friend: I want to understand the cube.
Friend’s Son: Das cube.

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Merits

October 30, 2017

Student: So here’s the merits of the ruse:

Selling

October 29, 2017

Student: Are you guys selling me? That’s not very nice.

Bait

October 28, 2017

Friend: I don’t think we have anybody who can pass for bait.

Stab

October 27, 2017

Student: I want to stab the mage in the face.

Force

October 26, 2017

Student: Blunt force trauma is the usual way elves die.

Powers

October 25, 2017

Wife: What are you, a pig?
Five-Year-Old: Yeah, I’m a pig. I use bacon powers.

Trouble

October 24, 2017

Me: He’s in a bad mood, because he got in trouble for making a mess with his taco.

Viscera

October 23, 2017

Wife: You’ve got some viscera on your chin.

Bag

October 22, 2017

Wife: Please stop whatever it is you’re doing over your plate… with that taco bag.