February 29, 2012
Wife: I wish you’d hold his head better.
Me: I’ve got it fine.
Wife: Our kids are going to grow up with severe neck cramps.
Me: I’m just in it for the meningitis jokes.
February 28, 2012
Wife: That was absolutely disgusting! You’ll go very far in college.
Me: He’ll be able to fart the alphabet.
February 27, 2012
Four-Year-Old: I love zero!
February 26, 2012
February 25, 2012
Friend: [Seven-Year-Old], can you show me where the face towels are?
Seven-Year-Old: [Points to infant wash cloths]
Friend: Can I have an adult size towel?
Seven-Year-Old: There are some downstairs on the sink.
February 24, 2012
Seven-Year-Old: We’re playing a game where I’m a wizard, and he’s a Decepticon Transformer.
February 23, 2012
Me: If I’m just sitting around, wearing my pants, it’s fine.
February 21, 2012
Wife: Stop saying “pee fart”!