Cod

October 31, 2012

Me: He’s Sid the Science Cod.

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Insults

October 30, 2012

Wife: Why do you see red lights as personal insults?
“That yellow was looking at me funny. I’m going to show it!”

Calming

October 29, 2012

Me: I’m going to wear my calming wolf shirt.

Pedestrian

October 28, 2012

Wife: Don’t hold the boy back with your pedestrian ideas about [air quotes] “walking.”

Same Day

October 27, 2012

Me: [Reading sign] “C.P.R. Same Day”?
I hope that’s classes.
Wife: As opposed to those places that make you wait. I hate those ERs.

Falling in Cheese

October 26, 2012

Eight-Year-Old: Elephants! Elephants falling in cheese!

Moldy

October 25, 2012

Wife: Some of the projects were pretty bad, like “Does sliced cheese or grated cheese get moldy faster?” But at least it’s science! At least you’ve got moldy cheese in a bag!

Flavored

October 24, 2012

Wife: The lighter colored parts are less chili flavored.
Eight-Year-Old: But those taste disgusting too.

Crawl

October 23, 2012

Eight-Year-Old: Why are you doing that?
Wife: So people can crawl into the car and steal Daddy’s nose.
Eight-Year-Old: No, really, why?

Cupcake

October 21, 2012

Wife: Suck it up, cupcake!
Me: Cake…
Five-Year-Old: [Eight-Year-Old]’s a cake!
Eight-Year-Old: No, I’m not!
Five-Year-Old: Yes, you are a cake.
Eight-Year-Old: You’d better not eat me, if I am a cupcake.

But I don’t think it’s very likely that I am.