Today

April 1, 2019

Whiteboard Writing: today
will be better
than yesterday
if you try
dish soap

Advertisements

Ghost

March 1, 2019

Me: The washing machine is making ghost noises.

Horse

January 14, 2019

Friend: [RPG Character] pours out some water on the horse and cleans the vomit out of its fur.

Hut

January 10, 2019

Six-Year-Old: That’s our hut.
Eleven-Year-Old: That’s not our hut. I do not live in a hut.

Replace

January 8, 2019

Six-Year-Old: Three hours later… one more lightbulb to replace….

Floyd

December 24, 2018

Me: So what does it mean?
Wife: Hand wash cold, while listening to Pink Floyd.

Australian

December 17, 2018

Wife: Oh my God, why is it squeaking?
Me: It’s Australian this evening, apparently.

Arguing

September 22, 2018

Me: I told you they were arguing about who got to clean the bathtub.

Tab

August 27, 2018

Wife: Fuck you, “Press the release tab.”

Yell

August 26, 2018

Wife: That’s how I fix things. I yell at them until they work.
Six-Year-Old: Work! Work!