Shaving

First Friend:  Do you know where [Bartender] is?
Me:  I think she’s cutting limes.
Second Friend:  She’s cutting limes, and I’m afraid she may also be shaving the back of my head.

Dozen

Friend:  You don’t need a dozen people to take out the trash.  That’s what the dozen elves are for.

Masonry

Colleague:  Freemasons these days, always redoing the masonry.

Janitorial

Me:  I’m not sure what you want is Dr. Seuss references among your janitorial staff.

Pillowcase

Friend:  How does she put the pillowcase on her pillow with no chin?

Disappointed

Ex-Wife:  If you guys break the fan by sword fighting in here, I’m going to be very disappointed.

Discount

Me:  What will having a refrigerator full of discount cheese do to a man?

Fatty

Me:  That sounds really good, and unnecessarily fatty and complicated.

Replay

Me:  I’m going to replay Mechanarium, rather than doing anything useful.

Justice

Me:  I didn’t find this until just now, because it was hiding under the Justice limpet.