Horse

January 14, 2019

Friend: [RPG Character] pours out some water on the horse and cleans the vomit out of its fur.

Advertisements

Hut

January 10, 2019

Six-Year-Old: That’s our hut.
Eleven-Year-Old: That’s not our hut. I do not live in a hut.

Replace

January 8, 2019

Six-Year-Old: Three hours later… one more lightbulb to replace….

Floyd

December 24, 2018

Me: So what does it mean?
Wife: Hand wash cold, while listening to Pink Floyd.

Australian

December 17, 2018

Wife: Oh my God, why is it squeaking?
Me: It’s Australian this evening, apparently.

Arguing

September 22, 2018

Me: I told you they were arguing about who got to clean the bathtub.

Tab

August 27, 2018

Wife: Fuck you, “Press the release tab.”

Yell

August 26, 2018

Wife: That’s how I fix things. I yell at them until they work.
Six-Year-Old: Work! Work!

Genius

August 19, 2018

Six-Year-Old: There’s clothes in there.
Me: I know.
Six-Year-Old: How did you know?
Me: I put them in there.
Six-Year-Old: Wow, genius!

Clean

August 18, 2018

Me: Is your room picked up?
Eleven-Year-Old: It’s fabulous.
Me: It’s fabulous?
Eleven-Year-Old: It’s fabulous! Would clean again. Ten out of ten.