June 29, 2010
Me: When I googled “Potter Stewart pornography,” I was trying to find naked pictures of him. But nooooo.
June 28, 2010
Me: What’s YoVille? Is it about a yogurt bar?
Wife: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Me: Seriously, what is it?
[Reading] “… sent you a Cappucino for your pad.”
So it just you have an apartment?
Wife: Ha ha ha. Pretty much. “You have a place to live and do things.”
Me: Being-in-the-World Ville. It’s like….
You know when I was little, the girl next door always wanted to play “house.” I never understood what was supposed to be interesting about that.
Wife: What? Ha ha ha ha ha.
Me: You know, kids doing it came first.
Wife: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
June 27, 2010
Me: What’s wrong?
Three-Year-Old: I want a carrot.
Wife: Give him a carrot.
Wife: There are two carrots.
Me: Give him one.
That wasn’t very nice.
Wife: I’m sure both Batman and Fairy Girl helped grow the carrots.
Six-Year-Old: We didn’t grow them.
Me: No! I told you not to try to get the carrots back from the rabbit!
June 26, 2010
Three-Year-Old: I love you, Daddy. I love Mommy. I love myself.
Me: And? Do you love your sister?
Three-Year-Old: I love my sister. I love her all by myself, all by myself.
June 25, 2010
June 24, 2010
Me: I dreamed I was performing in a complete Japanese Kabuki performance of The Lord of the Rings.
Wife: Hmmm. That’s dreadful.
June 23, 2010
Wife: I don’t do well with heat. It’s like one long hot flash. June to September, everybody’s menopausal.
June 22, 2010
Me: Excuse me.
Three-Year-Old: Did you fart?
Three-Year-Old: Did you fart? Did you fart? Did you fart? Did you fart? Did you fart? Did you fart? Did you fart in your booty?