March 18, 2019

Me: Did she also die in a Call of Cthulhu game?

Asking for a friend.

Wow, my daughter is fifteen today!



March 17, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: Bombur.
Seven-Year-Old: Is fat.
Eleven-Year-Old: He is not fat.
Me: He has lumbago.


March 16, 2019

Me: He had a pretty successful career as a DJ.
Wife: He lives in a van!


March 15, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I had a cupcake yesterday.
Me: That’s great.
Eleven-Year-Old: I didn’t have any more. I practically puked rainbows.


March 14, 2019

Me: Let me see your impetigous finger.

Somehow appropriate for my brother’s birthday.


March 13, 2019

Me: They wanted to know where the duke’s falcon, and secondarily his daughter, were.


March 12, 2019

Friend: You see three horse-sized water striders.


March 11, 2019

Me: The goat’s in the shell.

Zombie Problems

March 10, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I want a dog.
Friend: You don’t want a dog.
Me: You don’t want a dog from a town with zombie problems.
Eleven-Year-Old: I want a dog.


March 9, 2019

Friend: Bees can count to four.
Other Friend: But bees don’t know they can count to four.
Eleven-Year-Old: But bees can’t swim.