Gondola

May 20, 2019

Friend: All right, get in your lizard gondola, already!

Advertisements

Maturity

May 19, 2019

Me: Since you turned eleven and [Friend] turned fifty, you’ve both shown a lot more maturity.

Blog.
Eleven-Year-Old: Just a bit. Actually, too much maturity.

Yeti

May 18, 2019

Me: Yeti ninja!

Top

May 17, 2019

Me: What’s on top of it?
Eleven-Year-Old: The jam house!

Thingy

May 16, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: When do we get the entertainment thingy?
Wife: I have to buy it from IKEA.
Seven-Year-Old: Who’s IKEA? Is that one of your friends?

Were-Vegetable

May 15, 2019

Me: Maybe he’s some kind of were-vegetable.
Wife: What.

Piss

May 14, 2019

Me: The whole parking lot smells like piss.

Obviously

May 13, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: He’s obviously an avocado.

Hygiene

May 12, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: If it smells like butt hole, it’s dill.
Wife: I’m impressed by your but hole hygiene if it smells like dill.

Businessman

May 11, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: Now he looks so much more like a businessman.
Me: Your avocado?
Seven-Year-Old: A business avocado.