Devolves

October 28, 2020

Sixteen-Year-Old: My writing kind of devolves into calligraphy anyway.

Yawning

October 27, 2020

Sixteen-Year-Old: I keep yawning, and my mouth keeps hurting.

Terrible

October 26, 2020

Wife: That’s a terrible question!
Me: That’s why it ended up on my blog!

Developing

October 25, 2020

Me: You have a lot of ink on your thumb.
Sixteen-Year-Old: What?
Me: You have a lot of ink on your thumb. You look like you voted in a developing world election.

Head-to-Body

October 24, 2020

Sixteen-Year-Old: Look how cute he is! Look at the head-to-body ratio!

Werewolves

October 23, 2020

Me: My hair looks perfect.

Werewolves in London.

Colleagues

October 22, 2020

Me: Is there a vast community of physicists who are too polite to tell less distinguished colleagues that they don’t know what they’re doing at all?

Subcutaneous

October 21, 2020

Friend: I’m thinking the possibility of subcutaneous spiders negates the potential for improved sociability.

Creech

October 20, 2020

Me [trying to sing along]: The creature with preach, and the teacher will creech.

Authentically

October 19, 2020

Me: Have there even been any authentically famous ventriloquists, apart from Edgar Bergen and SeƱor Wences?