December 1, 2015
Three-Year-Old: I sat on the beeswax pie. That’s funny.
November 30, 2015
Me: Is this spicy?
Wife: It’s made with kim chee. Duh!
Eleven-Year-Old: Duh du jour.
What? It means, “Duh of the day.”
November 29, 2015
Eight-Year-Old: I have a hollow head!
Me: You have a hollow head?
Eight-Year-Old: No, you have a hollow head. You said you have a double hollow head.
November 28, 2015
Wife: You fell asleep facedown in the bathtub.
November 27, 2015
Wife: You have a cramp in your thyroid?
November 26, 2015
Me: So I’ve got about another twenty-five years to run this blog.
Wife: Uh… oh.
Me: After I’ve actually got ten thousand posts, I’m going to hire somebody to do an interpretive reading.
Wife: What? Ten thousand? That’ll take hours… days.
Me: Maybe I can get Neil Gaiman’s wife.
November 25, 2015
Me: I like my tequila with as little worm as possible.
November 24, 2015
Me: I really wish that black currents weren’t such a terrible fruit.
November 23, 2015
Friend: Speaking of metaphysical, I have a money making idea.