Gondola
May 20, 2019
Friend: All right, get in your lizard gondola, already!
Maturity
May 19, 2019
Me: Since you turned eleven and [Friend] turned fifty, you’ve both shown a lot more maturity.
…
Blog.
Eleven-Year-Old: Just a bit. Actually, too much maturity.
Yeti
May 18, 2019
Me: Yeti ninja!
Top
May 17, 2019
Me: What’s on top of it?
Eleven-Year-Old: The jam house!
Thingy
May 16, 2019
Seven-Year-Old: When do we get the entertainment thingy?
Wife: I have to buy it from IKEA.
Seven-Year-Old: Who’s IKEA? Is that one of your friends?
Were-Vegetable
May 15, 2019
Me: Maybe he’s some kind of were-vegetable.
Wife: What.
Piss
May 14, 2019
Me: The whole parking lot smells like piss.
Obviously
May 13, 2019
Seven-Year-Old: He’s obviously an avocado.
Hygiene
May 12, 2019
Eleven-Year-Old: If it smells like butt hole, it’s dill.
Wife: I’m impressed by your but hole hygiene if it smells like dill.
Businessman
May 11, 2019
Seven-Year-Old: Now he looks so much more like a businessman.
Me: Your avocado?
Seven-Year-Old: A business avocado.
