Pickles

April 8, 2020

Me: Why does my car smell like pickles?

Obvious

April 7, 2020

Me: It’s hard to like your rabbi, when the first thing she said to you was an obvious lie.

Tuna

April 6, 2020

Me: Can poop smell like tuna fish?

Copious

April 5, 2020

Friend: It says “copious and explicit notes.” Is that like “explicit lyrics”?

Me: I wish I had absence right now.

Enforcement

April 3, 2020

Me: They don’t understand anything about money laundering, law enforcement, organized crime, or electricity.

Jokes

April 2, 2020

Me: I hate those “parachuting fried chicken” jokes.

Sleeps

April 1, 2020

Me: Is that where your skin sleeps?

Conspiracy

March 31, 2020

Twelve-Year-Old: Let’s have a conspiracy.

Dinner

March 30, 2020

Friend: Next time I’ll ask for my standard dinner breast.

Hmmm… blog?
Me: So let it be written. So let it be done.