No Idea

December 17, 2017

Wife: Come on. You have no idea what I was doing.
Thirteen-Year-Old: I know. I was watching you.

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Admit

December 16, 2017

Wife: I admit, I taught Python to predict the future.

Beer

December 15, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I’m reading the beer can owls.

4chan

December 13, 2017

Friend: Seriously, what is wrong with people?
Me: Yeah, are they too good for 4chan?

Astrocytoma

December 12, 2017

Friend: His wife died of what he calls “Cthulhu brain,” but it was actually an astrocytoma.

Super Awesome

December 9, 2017

Me: You want the Super Awesome Grilled Cheese?
Five-Year-Old: No, too awesome!

Occultism

December 8, 2017

Friend: If you need some amateur archeology or semi-professional occultism, he’s your guy.

Fetus

December 5, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: They’re such a fetus group, and yet they go so much attention.

Tautological

December 4, 2017

Me: It’s like half tautological and half self contradictory.

Nasty

December 3, 2017

Wife: Oh, it’s a sponge! I was like, that’s some really nasty-ass garlic bread in there, man.