July 5, 2022

Me:  Was that the same girl from Amyl Nitrate and the Skunks or whatever?
Friend:  Amyl and the Sniffers.  And yes.
Me:  I said, “or whatever.” Jeez.


July 4, 2022

Me:  I assume that the context of The X-Files reunion shows is that Scully has come back to the FBI after being thrown out of the Northern Ireland police for her unprofessional behavior?


July 3, 2022

Me:  Can you order DoorDash in Fortnite?  Have healing items delivered to your location?


July 2, 2022

Ten-Year-Old:  I figured out what the worst LEGO video game is.


July 1, 2022

Ten-Year-Old:  Both Mom and the therapist were impressed by my Geiger counter imitation.


June 30, 2022

Me:  Sometimes even Roger Ebert thought with his dong.


June 29, 2022

Student:  When it says that it’s “outside the sphere,” does that mean that I can use the radius, or do I need another number?


June 28, 2022

Me:  He was a centralist in two small worlds, and in both of them we called him:  “Lying!”


June 27, 2022

Me:  The weirdest thing that happened to me today was that I saw the bush on a professional, female Christopher Guest impersonator.


June 26, 2022

Me:  Where did you get those overalls?
Eighteen-Year-Old:  Uh…
Me:  Nineteen Seventy-Four Direct?
Eighteen-Year-Old:  Grrr.
Me:  Just kidding.
Eighteen-Year-Old:  Oh, you’re funny.
Me:  I am.