Pickles

Me: Why does my car smell like pickles?

Obvious

Me: It’s hard to like your rabbi, when the first thing she said to you was an obvious lie.

Tuna

Me: Can poop smell like tuna fish?

Copious

Friend: It says “copious and explicit notes.” Is that like “explicit lyrics”?

Absence [pronounced the French way]

Me: I wish I had absence right now.

Enforcement

Me: They don’t understand anything about money laundering, law enforcement, organized crime, or electricity.

Jokes

Me: I hate those “parachuting fried chicken” jokes.

Sleeps

Me: Is that where your skin sleeps?

Conspiracy

Twelve-Year-Old: Let’s have a conspiracy.

Dinner

Friend: Next time I’ll ask for my standard dinner breast.
…
Hmmm… blog?
Me: So let it be written. So let it be done.