April 25, 2015
Me: Just say no to hobbit holes.
April 24, 2015
Wife: Does it hurt when you move your head up and down, or just side to side.
Me: It doesn’t really hurt, but it does feel weird.
Wife: You haven’t been drinking enough water, or you’re dying.
April 23, 2015
Me: I guess Halloween is Reformation Day. That’s not a coincidence.
Wife: Trick or theses!
April 22, 2015
Me [reading sign]: This is a “police oriented community.”
Wife: They’re only sexually attracted to the police.
April 21, 2015
Me: You can’t hear meningitis!
April 20, 2015
Seven-Year-Old: You can’t do that! You’re not a police dog!
April 19, 2015
Seven-Year-Old’s Friend: I’m a monkey, and I just took your gun and your hat and your badge. You have to kill me for them. You still have your knife.
April 18, 2015
Me: I thought she came over here to give me a hug.
Wife: No, she came over there to spaz.
April 17, 2015
Wife: I’m covered in dog hair and pins!
April 16, 2015
Seven-Year-Old: I’m Clueless!
Seven-Year-Old: That’s right: Clueless the Viking!