Nah

January 21, 2018

Thirteen-Year-Old: Nah, I can’t live without it.
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Nothing, I was just talking to myself.

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Declaration

January 20, 2018

Thirteen-Year-Old: Dramatic declaration, I do suppose.
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Nothing, I was just talking to myself.

White

January 19, 2018

Me: I just saw a white guy with number six black eyes.

Masterminds

January 18, 2018

Ten-Year-Old: All evil masterminds need to have secret cameras, to know when to turn their chairs around.

Sherman

January 17, 2018

Me: I just saw a Sherman tank Jesus T-shirt.

Blower

January 16, 2018

Me: I just saw a guy using a weed whacker as a leaf blower.

Entire

January 15, 2018

Wife: Was I in the room at the time?
Me: You were facing the other way, but I thought you were listening.
Wife: Wow, that’s like our entire sex life, right there.
Me: What?

Pills

January 14, 2018

Me: Don’t mention “boner pills” around [Thirteen-Year-Old].

Skinny

January 13, 2018

Student: It was a block class, not a skinny.

Corpus

January 12, 2018

Five-Year-Old: I didn’t remember she was huge! Corpus fat cat!