Virtually

November 16, 2019

Wife: Did you just virtually slap me with cheese?

Ambulance

November 15, 2019

Me: I saw an ambulance and mistook it for a food truck.

Compost

November 14, 2019

Me: Compost and hallucinogens—it’s a winning combination.

Mushroom

November 13, 2019

Friend: Have you heard the word of the mushroom?

Doing

November 12, 2019

Friend: What am I doing?
Me: I don’t know. What are you doing?
Friend: I don’t know. What am I doing?

Conga

November 11, 2019

Friend: There’s a fight conga line going on.

Blasting

November 10, 2019

Me: Blasting gelatinous cube.

Grain

November 9, 2019

Friend: You see thousands of tiny spiders, popping like grain products in a microwave.

Assume

November 8, 2019

First Friend: I assume this means more fire.
Second Friend: You assume correctly.

Dainty

November 7, 2019

Friend: Your dainty paws go right through the carapace, into the boiling spider goo.