Asking

March 18, 2019

Me: Did she also die in a Call of Cthulhu game?

Asking for a friend.

Wow, my daughter is fifteen today!

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Lumbago

March 17, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: Bombur.
Seven-Year-Old: Is fat.
Eleven-Year-Old: He is not fat.
Me: He has lumbago.

Shaggy

March 16, 2019

Me: He had a pretty successful career as a DJ.
Wife: He lives in a van!

Rainbows

March 15, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I had a cupcake yesterday.
Me: That’s great.
Eleven-Year-Old: I didn’t have any more. I practically puked rainbows.

Impetigous

March 14, 2019

Me: Let me see your impetigous finger.

Somehow appropriate for my brother’s birthday.

Secondarily

March 13, 2019

Me: They wanted to know where the duke’s falcon, and secondarily his daughter, were.

Striders

March 12, 2019

Friend: You see three horse-sized water striders.

Shell

March 11, 2019

Me: The goat’s in the shell.

Zombie Problems

March 10, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I want a dog.
Friend: You don’t want a dog.
Me: You don’t want a dog from a town with zombie problems.
Eleven-Year-Old: I want a dog.

Bees

March 9, 2019

Friend: Bees can count to four.
Other Friend: But bees don’t know they can count to four.
Eleven-Year-Old: But bees can’t swim.