January 18, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: I am so into hairlines right now, it’s crazy.
January 17, 2017
Me: Can you get some clothes on?
Five-Year-Old: Yes. Also, [Nine-Year-Old] sprayed my pajamas with water.
Happy Birthday, Five-Year-Old!
January 16, 2017
Wife: There’s only so much genitals one can handle.
No, no, no.
January 14, 2017
Me: This time, we can add even more chili oil.
Me: [Friend] can handle it.
So long as he doesn’t handle his junk afterward.
January 13, 2017
Me: Any bra can be a push-up bra if it’s too small.
January 12, 2017
Me: Who would buy a cave sight unseen?
January 11, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: You probably shouldn’t eat a tangerine, because most of them are vomits.
January 10, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: “Feels” are fangirl emotions.
January 9, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: According to [Her Friend], it’s like feels galore for characters.