May 22, 2016
Me: [Colleague] doesn’t like the name. I don’t know. I kind of like it. What do you think of “MaRMS” as a name?
Not for a girl, for a benchtop experiment.
Wife: Okay, bye.
May 21, 2016
Friend’s Daughter: This dog is fabulous, because he’s a dog.
May 20, 2016
Me: Back pubes?
Friend: Front pubes!
May 19, 2016
Friend: The preacher’s son’s wife is hairy.
May 18, 2016
Me: Am I ready for my debutante ball?
Friend: In a strapless dress. We’re going to show off your back.
May 17, 2016
Me: Why do you have a drinking name?
Friend’s Daughter: Because we’re weird like that. Also fabulous!
Friend: Better a drinking name than a porn name! Pick your battles!
May 16, 2016
Me: Truly, I would love to make a sword some day.
May 15, 2016
Friend: It was trying to give me sugar-betes.
May 14, 2016
Wife: I drank some, and I didn’t know what it was…
… and I woke up.