Focaccia

Me:  No fucking focaccia!

Tired

Me:  I am so hungry.
Wait… what?
I am so tired.

Government

[Knocking noise]
Me:  Who’s there?
Nine-Year-Old:  Guy going to take a shower.
Me:  “Guy going to take a shower,” who?
Nine-Year-Old:  Why are you questioning me, government agent?

Groceries

Friend:  Butt dial or real call?
Me:  Sack of groceries dial, actually.

Seventies

Me:  It was seventies day at Kroger.

‘Tis

Me:  There’s nothing over there but Wal-Mart.  ‘Tis a wasteland.

Rice

Me:  It’s entirely normal to have rice on your face today.

Urn

Me:  Presumably, if you were choosing words at random, you wouldn’t choose “urn.”

Why’re

Me:  Why’re you smelling the toilet paper?

Synapsids

Me:  The Wikipedia article for synapsids shows Brezhnev and Nixon.