Busted

Friend: It’s all busted, man.

Videos

Me: My dreams are starting to look like Devo videos.

Actually

Student: You actually made me like physics!

Dilatory

Me: I know I can be dilatory in sending in my dues.

Carpet

Me: He wasn’t even part of the thin carpet until we met them there.

Bandwagon

Me: Everybody’s doing it! Jump on the bandwagon! Put on a shirt!

Hiccups

Me: My cat has the hiccups.

Check

Me [reading e-mail]: “Keeping your financial health in check.”
…
Yeah, what?

Fur

Me: You’ve got your fur, but I need to put on some underwear. Okay, cat?

Slaw

Me: Why can’t those fuckers still put bleu cheese in my cole slaw?