Boat

July 31, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Does this look a male or a female–the person?
Wife: At first, it looks like a boat.

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Tower

July 30, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: If you get to be good enough friends with the wizard, you can change your appearance in his tower.
Me: Okay, that’s kind of creepy.

Scarecrows

July 29, 2017

Me: I have a wife who poops scarecrows.

Rusty

July 28, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Rusty spoons are actually pretty good.

Tears

July 27, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Oh, God. You have very fat tears!

People

July 26, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Why are people so…? Like, why are people so…? Why are people…? What? What? Why?

Letter

July 25, 2017

Me: I just bought a twelve pack of unlubricated French letters for my daughter.

Replaced

July 24, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I see you replaced my sister with a dress.

Brush

July 23, 2017

Me: You need to brush your teeth longer.
Five-Year-Old: I don’t like doing that! Also, it makes me crazy embarrassed!

Huffing

July 22, 2017

Wife: Stop huffing your stuffed cat!
Me: Blog.
Thirteen-Year-Old: I’m not huffing. I’m snorting it.