Assassination

December 9, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: It’s about a bunch of students learning assassination and trying to kill a giant octopus.

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Scotty

December 4, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Butter me up, Scotty!
Wife: “Butter me up, Scotty!”? That’s, like, the worst Star Trek slashfic ever.

Pillows

November 22, 2018

Wife: Most people don’t deny there’s Cthulhu in their pillows.

Best

November 15, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Duck and Cthulhu, best friends forever.

Russian

November 11, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I need more Russian Voldemort in my life.

Descended

November 4, 2018

Me: My knowledge of Hebrew has descended to practically nothing.

Parkour

October 30, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Orc parkour! Yeah!

Pantheon

October 23, 2018

Me: I just got my dog’s ashes back from the crematory, and they came in a velvet bag that said, “Until we meet again at the rainbow bridge,” on it. What are they, Norse pantheon?

Virman

October 2, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Wonderful! Wunderbar!
Me: Virman Vundabar?

Screwed

September 23, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: It really mind screwed me. Ugh, it got me right in the feels.