Tank

February 6, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Did you hear that?
Me: No.
Six-Year-Old: Fairy tale tank!

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Fastness

January 28, 2018

Friend: It says, “For the glory of Fair Ghinor, Sarpedon labors in his watery fastness among the stars.” So that’s what it says.
Me: So, typical Cthulhu-oid baloney.

Exit

January 10, 2018

Google Maps: Take exit seven A.
Me: What is this, Unseen University?

Beer

December 15, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I’m reading the beer can owls.

Astrocytoma

December 12, 2017

Friend: His wife died of what he calls “Cthulhu brain,” but it was actually an astrocytoma.

Pockets

November 30, 2017

Wife: Nope! Books are not pockets—ever!

Five-Year-Old: Why can’t Loki be Jewish?

Force

October 26, 2017

Student: Blunt force trauma is the usual way elves die.

University

October 7, 2017

Me: I just got a message from the Johns Hopkins University Press about Shark Week.

Fili and Kili

September 11, 2017

Five-Year-Old [singing]: Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins!
Gandalf, Gandalf, visits Bilbo!
Fili and Kili died in the war!