Virman

October 2, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Wonderful! Wunderbar!
Me: Virman Vundabar?

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Screwed

September 23, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: It really mind screwed me. Ugh, it got me right in the feels.

Obviously

August 1, 2018

Me: Is that the ghost of Benjamin Franklin attacking somebody with Force lightning?
Eleven-Year-Old: Who can say? Maybe.
Me: That was a rhetorical question. It pretty obviously is.

Reading

June 28, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Don’t shoot me in the back of the head while I’m reading!

Series

May 31, 2018

Me: Sorry about the delay. I encountered a series of unfortunate events. And while they probably didn’t rise to Handlerian levels, it did culminate with me chasing after a driver on foot, trying to warn her that her car was on fire.

Hilariously

May 5, 2018

Me: I had a hilariously absurd dream last night—hilarious because Bill Murray was in it and absurd because it was a sequel to another dream that I never actually had.

Scroll

April 30, 2018

Me: What is that paper you’ve got?
Six-year-Old: It’s a scroll! No, it’s a sign up for a million dollars!

Witch-King

April 26, 2018

Colleague: Did you hear the Witch-King of Angmar pledged his company’s swords to Imrahil if he would contest with Faramir for the throne?

Admittedly, I’m associating names rather randomly, but still.
Me: Given how lost this leaves me, this is a strong candidate for the blog.

Crackle

March 8, 2018

Ten-Year-Old: That’s it.
Me: No crackle to be found?
Ten-Year-Old: No crackle to be found.
Me: No crackle to be found.

Countersigned

February 26, 2018

Me: I don’t know what you’re doing with this dream, but this order needs to be countersigned by Sam Vimes and/or Elanor Roosevelt.