May 31, 2018

Me: Sorry about the delay. I encountered a series of unfortunate events. And while they probably didn’t rise to Handlerian levels, it did culminate with me chasing after a driver on foot, trying to warn her that her car was on fire.



May 5, 2018

Me: I had a hilariously absurd dream last night–hilarious because Bill Murray was in it and absurd because it was a sequel to another dream that I never actually had.


April 30, 2018

Me: What is that paper you’ve got?
Six-year-Old: It’s a scroll! No, it’s a sign up for a million dollars!


April 26, 2018

Colleague: Did you hear the Witch-King of Angmar pledged his company’s swords to Imrahil if he would contest with Faramir for the throne?

Admittedly, I’m associating names rather randomly, but still.
Me: Given how lost this leaves me, this is a strong candidate for the blog.


March 8, 2018

Ten-Year-Old: That’s it.
Me: No crackle to be found?
Ten-Year-Old: No crackle to be found.
Me: No crackle to be found.


February 26, 2018

Me: I don’t know what you’re doing with this dream, but this order needs to be countersigned by Sam Vimes and/or Elanor Roosevelt.


February 6, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Did you hear that?
Me: No.
Six-Year-Old: Fairy tale tank!


January 28, 2018

Friend: It says, “For the glory of Fair Ghinor, Sarpedon labors in his watery fastness among the stars.” So that’s what it says.
Me: So, typical Cthulhu-oid baloney.


January 10, 2018

Google Maps: Take exit seven A.
Me: What is this, Unseen University?


December 15, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I’m reading the beer can owls.