Department

Me:  It doesn’t make much sense to go to a department store now.
Seventeen-Year-Old:  Big walk around store.
That made barely any sense.

Doppelschnitte

Me:  All right, I’m going for the—I just realized I don’t remember the German word for sandwich.

Flushing

Me:  The last thing I remember is somebody flushing duck toes down the toilet.

Indoctrinate

Seventeen-Year-Old:  If you’re going to indoctrinate people, at least be attractive.

Marine

Me:  I thought there was a journal called “Mad Dogs.”  It was actually “Marine Drugs,” which is almost as funny.

Fundamentally

Me:  The idea of slipping Mister Ed a roofie is fundamentally hilarious.

Laundry

Wife:  I going to go do some laundry.
Me:  “I’m here to do laundry and eat bread.”
Wife:  Yes.

Duck

Wife:  I’m looking for the paper about the third question.  No, it’s not in there.
…
Oh, shit, I have to do that too.  Fuck a duck and a half.

Burdock

Me:  I hate burdock.

Hate

Me:  I hate the smell of hot tar.
…
In the morning.