October 31, 2013
Wife: I didn’t mean, “Don’t let the Jews see you driving funny.”
October 30, 2013
Wife: No, we’re not going to play the “I’m gonna to touch you with something” game.
October 29, 2013
Me: That was published in Boys’ Life.
Nine-Year-Old: Boys must have bad lives.
October 28, 2013
Nine-Year-Old: That is God dumb.
October 27, 2013
Wife: Any animal can have semen.
Me: No, not necessarily. Some of them have milt.
October 26, 2013
Me: There is a fundamental relationship between romance and semen.
October 24, 2013
Me: Why would you wear an undershirt if you’re wearing pants?
October 23, 2013
Me: I have very low oil content in my semen.
October 22, 2013
Wife: Oh, that’s a zipper. I didn’t know you had a zipper on your butt. I didn’t install that.