Y’all

Woman:  His ass cheeks sticking out, and y’all were just watching!

Heart

Me:  I’m trying to listen to your back heart.

Tase

Me:  You can’t tase somebody through a Faraday cage, man.

Cringe

Me:  All right.  Pause it.  I need to go get food.
Fifteen-Year-Old:  Food?  Cringe.  Who needs food?
Me:  Everybody?
Fifteen-Year-Old:  Naw, you’ll never catch me eating.

Rebreather

Me:  And thus, Bryce Dallas Howard died.
Ten-Year-Old:  No, she has plot armor.
Me:  She doesn’t need plot armor.  She needs a plot scuba tank.
Ten-Year-Old:  No, she has plot armor.
Fifteen-Year-Old:  Plot rebreather.

Here’s

Fifteen-Year-Old:  Here’s the evil George Sink.

Lovely

Me:  It turns out “Lovely Rita” is super racist.

Drum

Me:  It would be better if people had to get a license before they could drum.
Fifteen-Year-Old:  True.

Meter

Me:  Has there been a problem with meter maids committing a lot of hate crimes?

Twink

Eighteen-Year-Old:  There’s definitely such a thing as gay buff.  There’s twink, and then there’s dad bod, and there’s gay buff.
Me:  Don’t forget bear.