Hippo’s

February 11, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old [singing]: Get off my car, or I’ll shoot lasers out of the hippo’s eyes.

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Diplomatic

February 9, 2019

Me: Can we get diplomatic plates for our horses?

Flopping

February 7, 2019

Friend: Any mermaids flopping around on the grass?

Goodness

February 5, 2019

Friend: Thank goodness for the clam.

Octopus

January 30, 2019

Friend: The water wizard will give everyone a face octopus.

Wraith

January 26, 2019

Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?

Beast

January 15, 2019

Six-Year-Old: Beast Boy is a vegetarian for some reason.

Horse

January 14, 2019

Friend: [RPG Character] pours out some water on the horse and cleans the vomit out of its fur.

Canines

January 2, 2019

Six-Year-Old: For justice, juice box, and canines!

Wasp

December 26, 2018

Me: What the heck fell on me?
Wife: Squirrel, probably.
Me: Wasp nest!