Saxophone

October 15, 2018

Me: Why is there a gorilla playing the saxophone?

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Bland

October 12, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Humans are just bland monkeys.
Me: That’s sort of true, actually.

Tanks

October 10, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Are fish tanks in the future or the past?

Petit

October 8, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: You know how wombats poop in cubes?
Me: Yes.
Fourteen-Year-Old: Well petit fours are the angel equivalent of that.

Dino

October 5, 2018

Me: I’m going to watch Cupcake and Dino until I find something that makes sense.

Snorlax

September 28, 2018

Six-Year-Old: You’re an adult. You look more like Snorlax.

Unicorns

September 10, 2018

Wife: Why is there a unicorn in there? That’s supposed to be your pajama drawer. It’s for pajamas, not unicorns.
Me: In fairness, I think that is my fault.

Cat Boat

September 9, 2018

Wife: Don’t run me over with a cat boat.

Walking

September 4, 2018

Me: Out walking three dogs, in her pajamas, in the rain.

Struggling

September 3, 2018

Six-Year-Old: That looks like spit, or a bug that’s crying around in the water and struggling.