Cow

September 8, 2017

Five-Year-Old: I’m melting the cow!

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Frog

September 7, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I fought the frog, and the frog won!

Gorilla

September 5, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Come on, green gorilla!

Speak

September 4, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: Pusheen can speak English, but the only thing she can say is “meow.”

Hanging

August 17, 2017

Me: Yesterday, there was a furry hanging around with the transients.

Plutarch

August 13, 2017

Me: I didn’t realize that [Thirteen-Year-Old’s] stuffed cat “Plu” was really named “Plutarch,” for his many lives.

Lobster

August 2, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: What is that?



Me: It’s the singing lobster in the trunk.

Lice

August 1, 2017

Five-Year-Old: It feels like lice on my leg.

Huffing

July 22, 2017

Wife: Stop huffing your stuffed cat!
Me: Blog.
Thirteen-Year-Old: I’m not huffing. I’m snorting it.

Dissecting

July 20, 2017

Me: Will you stop talking about that?
Thirteen-Year-Old: You brought it up.
Me: No, I didn’t!
Thirteen-Year-Old: Yes, you did.
Me: I asked you what you wanted for dinner. That’s not bringing up dissecting animals.