Hijab

April 19, 2020

Friend: I also dreamed that [Colleague] took off her hijab, and her hair popped up into a perfectly spherical Afro.
Me: That sounds like something you should confess to your priest.

Corridor

April 16, 2020

Me: Somebody dropped their handmade, artisanal COVID mask in the middle of the corridor.

Vending

March 19, 2020

Me: If you want another symbiote, you can just go back to the vending machine.
Eight-Year-Old: Yeah, of course—wait, what?

Wet

March 17, 2020

Wife: It does not make you less tired to get clothes wet.

Painting

February 16, 2020

Eight-Year-Old: Your painting is about to fall over, because of the hipster hat.

Scary

January 30, 2020

Wife: Is that a zombie dinosaur?
Fifteen-Year-Old: No.
Me: It’s a dinosaur wearing a scary mask.

Canadian

December 21, 2019

Twelve-Year-Old: Flannel is more what you would expect Canadian elephants to wear.

Genes

December 4, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: What do you call blue DNA?
Me: I don’t know. What?
Seven-Year-Old: “Genes.”

Jammies

November 25, 2019

Me: I like the idea of Heimdall in his monkey jammies.

Speaking

November 2, 2019

Friend: Speaking of touching things: does the fox wear clothes?