Businessman

May 11, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: Now he looks so much more like a businessman.
Me: Your avocado?
Seven-Year-Old: A business avocado.

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McCarthy

May 6, 2019

Me: And that is why you should not walk around the house with no pants.
Wife: Because McCarthy might get her?!

Mosquito

March 6, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old: I found out why my butt was itching. I put my hand in my pants and found it. It felt like a little boob. It was a mosquito.

Nudity

February 18, 2019

Wife: They were setting up a gun store run by cats; then there was a huge sniper argument; then lots of nudity.

Sombrero

January 27, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I’m a sombrero knight!

Knickers

January 23, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old:

Not to mention knickers.

Marvin

January 1, 2019

Me: Nobody looks that much like Marvin Gaye by accident.

Floyd

December 24, 2018

Me: So what does it mean?
Wife: Hand wash cold, while listening to Pink Floyd.

Dapper

November 21, 2018

Me: One of them is a mess, and one of them is a dapper mess.

Metrosexual

November 18, 2018

Wife: There are things you just don’t do, like call [wife of past synagogue president] a metrosexual.