October 21, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Oh no, bows!
Me: What? Bows?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Bows are the cancer of this world—one of many cancers.



October 9, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: I learned something this morning.
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Don’t try to dance to “Dope” when you’re not wearing a bra.


October 8, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Ew! My hand’s in your underwear!


September 15, 2017

Me: Leg warmers and high heels?

Thirteen-Year-Old: My boots will be here tomorrow.
Wife: “Boobs”?


July 30, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: If you get to be good enough friends with the wizard, you can change your appearance in his tower.
Me: Okay, that’s kind of creepy.


July 24, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I see you replaced my sister with a dress.


July 21, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old [drawing manga]: I need to have boobie lumps in the shirt. That sounded so wrong.


July 15, 2017

Wife: What’s the matter with your pants?
Me: Oh, they’re unzipped, and they have a hole—a bunch of holes.
Thirteen-Year-Old: I heard, “What’s the matter with your penis?”


July 9, 2017

Me: Some of those people don’t look like they belong in a caveman restaurant.
Wife: I don’t know what kind of discrimination that is, but it’s stupid.