June 30, 2011

Wife: If you want to live somewhere else, you need to find a job, so you can pay rent.
Seven-Year-Old: Can I be a mopping girl?


June 29, 2011

Me: Hello, cat. Oh gosh, I stink.


June 28, 2011

Me: Oh, I traded the car for some magic beans.


June 27, 2011

Me: Now I know how that berserker on the cover of The Ultimate Enemy felt.


June 26, 2011

Wife: You can also stop listening to Daddy, since he’s getting farcical.


June 25, 2011

Wife: Daddy wants to have sausages and prunes for dinner.
Me: I’m flexible about everything except the prunes.


June 24, 2011

Wife:’s Friend: Ike won’t eat this.
Wife: It’s not fish, and it’s not pork.
Wife:’s Friend: It’s not fried, and it has too many colors in it.


June 23, 2011

Me: Want to go get some shrimp and grits?
Me: Grimp and shrits?
Wife: Ew.  I don’t want that.  I really don’t want that.  But this should go on the blog.


June 22, 2011

Me: Ew
Wife: What?
Me: There’s a pitcher here with dead fish in it.


June 21, 2011

Wife: You’ve got a Brewster’s napkin stuck to your ass.
Me: Oh, thanks. I love you.
Wife: Not now. This isn’t the time.