June 30, 2011
Wife: If you want to live somewhere else, you need to find a job, so you can pay rent.
Seven-Year-Old: Can I be a mopping girl?
June 29, 2011
Me: Hello, cat. Oh gosh, I stink.
June 26, 2011
Wife: You can also stop listening to Daddy, since he’s getting farcical.
June 25, 2011
Wife: Daddy wants to have sausages and prunes for dinner.
Me: I’m flexible about everything except the prunes.
June 24, 2011
Wife:’s Friend: Ike won’t eat this.
Wife: It’s not fish, and it’s not pork.
Wife:’s Friend: It’s not fried, and it has too many colors in it.
June 22, 2011
Me: There’s a pitcher here with dead fish in it.