Gaslighting

Me: Unintentional gaslighting is not a thing.

Perovskites

Me: I’m only keeping that e-mail because it compares perovskites to anime.

Mini

Me: A mini, plastic, screw-top bottle of cheap chardonnay—keeping it classy.

Purim 5781!

Chain

Me: Kyle, you old son of a Piedmont hotel chain complex! How’ve you been?

Reshaped

Me: Why is the Franklin Mint selling quarters reshaped into guitar picks?!?

Kinky

Sixteen-Year-Old: L-mak, l-mak, heh.
Me: “Laughing my ass kinky”?

Light

Sixteen-Year-Old: Do you want to meet my cat? She’s the light of my life.

Earwax

Sixteen-Year-Old’s Friend: I was thinking about my father’s earbuds, but they’ve got a lot of earwax, and I’m not sure I want to….

Angels

Me: Today I’m rooting for the Carcinoma Angels.

Raising

He: Was he raising rabbits in my violin case?