Puritan

Me: Was that guy dressed as a Puritan, playing an electric guitar that wasn’t plugged in?

Quote

Friend: I’m going to make sure you can’t quote my shit.
…
Oh, fuck.

Haunt

First Friend: That is going to haunt my ass forever.
Second Friend: Haunt your ass?

Expert

Me: [Friend] is our expert on whether something is a penis.

Appreciate

Friend: I do appreciate you finding the dicks for all of us.

Balls

Friend: That could be dicks. They’re blue, but they don’t have balls.

Poisoning

Colleague: I think I had food poisoning during my talk.

Pubic

Friend: I tried to add some pubic hair in there.

Nonexistent

Student: I’m pointing at the nonexistent female who’s over in the corner.

TINA

Colleague:  The dick on the wall.
Me:  Does that say “TINA” next to it?