November 4, 2018

Me: My knowledge of Hebrew has descended to practically nothing.



October 27, 2018

Me: Digging up Tara to search for the Ark of the Covenant, man. That’s some serious syncretism.


October 2, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Wonderful! Wunderbar!
Me: Virman Vundabar?


September 26, 2018

Me: I tried Googling “emo music,” and the first song it suggested was called “Ohio is For Lovers.”

To be fair, that song is really emo.


September 1, 2018

Me: How come “bested” and “worsted” mean the same thing?

Get Hurt

August 29, 2018

Wife: You lie! You lie!
Six-Year-Old: Mommy, did you get hurt?


August 14, 2018

Graduate Student: I think of a martini as a separate object, that has grown beyond the original company.

Language Name

August 9, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Why do they keep saying “potato”?
Me: I don’t know.
Six-Year-Old: Because that’s the language. The language name is “Potato.”


July 22, 2018

Colleague: It’s called a “Jew’s harp,” or a “jaw harp.”
Me: I think that’s just a mincing of “Jew’s harp.”


July 11, 2018

Graduate Student: Emily Blunt is an amazing actress, but she’s not Julie Andrews.
Me: Who is, really?