Upstream

March 7, 2019

Me: They’re coming downstream, from Downstream, which is upstream.

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Fleshist

February 21, 2019

Wife: All skulls look the same to me.
Me: That’s fleshist.

Getting

February 15, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: I hear someone screaming in their house. They’re getting eaten, I guess.

Curiosity

February 2, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: Curiosity killed the druid.
Friend: Apparently.
Eleven-Year-Old: That’s the new saying.

Goldballs

January 25, 2019

Me [reading comic book over Eleven-Year-Old’s shoulder]: “GO GOLDBALLS!” Is Goldballs an X-Man I don’t know about?
Eleven-Year-Old: Yep.
Me: There are too many X-Men.

I am not a crank.

Knickers

January 23, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old:

Not to mention knickers.

Walnwood

January 12, 2019

Me: I just realized that of all the streets in the neighborhood where I grew up, mine was the worst for a porn name. Wormwood, Valleywood, Springwood, Ironwood, Bayberry, Woodview, La Cresta, Rockwood.

Outer

January 4, 2019

Me: It’s interesting how [Fourteen-Year-Old] has such an outer inner life.

Immersioning

December 19, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: I am immersioning.
Me: That should be “immersing.”
Eleven-Year-Old: I no grammar.

Glug

December 13, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: It looks like sludge, and it tastes like it. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.