April 21, 2017
Me: I will place “syphilis” in quotes.
Wife: How will that help?
April 15, 2017
Five-Year-Old: That place is glowing blue again! It’s blowing glue again!
March 18, 2017
March 15, 2017
Me: Anime isn’t a style. It’s a provenance.
March 10, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: It’s a warehouse.
Wife: So it turns into a house on the full moon?
March 7, 2017
Wife: That wasn’t very polite.
Nine-Year-Old: Dad was being an idiot.
Wife: He was telling a joke. Would you like it if you were telling a joke, and somebody heard what you said and called you an idiot?
Nine-Year-Old: Should I have called him “stupid” instead?
March 5, 2017
Colleague: Here’s a bunch of words you can use for your theory.
March 3, 2017
Me: Could you have your internal monologue internally?
Twelve-Year-Old: No, that’s impossible.
February 24, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile.
Me: It’s not bad, Hobo Dad.