February 19, 2017
Nine-Year-Old: I know where I’m going to have my bar mitzvah.
Nine-Year-Old: At a bar, filled with bars.
Me: Makes sense.
Nine-Year-Old: Or a prison.
February 18, 2017
Me: Oh, crap and a half?
Five-Year-Old: Where’d you learn to say that?
February 15, 2017
Thirteen-Years-Old: Don’t try to be punny.
Thirteen-Years-Old: Don’t try to be punny. I am the queen of the punnies.
February 13, 2017
Wife: The son of the fuck is this?
January 29, 2017
Wife: Who wants moist transients?
January 10, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: “Feels” are fangirl emotions.
January 8, 2017
Graduate Student: This was, I hope, exactly the same thing I wrote down, more or less
January 6, 2017
Wife: Ah, there… it’s kicking in.
Me: Oh, good.
Wife: No, there’s a middle ground between competent and drunk—“competrunk.”
Wife: I think I’m on the wrong side of competrunk.
January 1, 2017
Twelve-Year-Old: After the music, there was a little presentation of—