Worsted

September 1, 2018

Me: How come “bested” and “worsted” mean the same thing?

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Get Hurt

August 29, 2018

Wife: You lie! You lie!
Six-Year-Old: Mommy, did you get hurt?

Martini

August 14, 2018

Graduate Student: I think of a martini as a separate object, that has grown beyond the original company.

Language Name

August 9, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Why do they keep saying “potato”?
Me: I don’t know.
Six-Year-Old: Because that’s the language. The language name is “Potato.”

Mincing

July 22, 2018

Colleague: It’s called a “Jew’s harp,” or a “jaw harp.”
Me: I think that’s just a mincing of “Jew’s harp.”

Actress

July 11, 2018

Graduate Student: Emily Blunt is an amazing actress, but she’s not Julie Andrews.
Me: Who is, really?

Archdukes

July 10, 2018

Me: There should be other drag ranks, besides king and queen—like drag archdukes.

Ho!

July 8, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Damn, Angelina, you a ho!

Shock

June 18, 2018

Me: Turn off the PlayStation. And pick up that DVD case.
Six-Year-Old: It’s the case for “Blow Shock.”

Flipping

June 17, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Why are you being such fu–… flipping idiots?