March 31, 2010
Six-Year-Old: You have two shirts: one made of hair and one made of tummy.
March 30, 2010
Wife: It smells like butt in here.
Me: You could have put his new diaper on.
Wife: I was busy. He was trying to make me eat the prince.
I ate the prince.
March 29, 2010
Me: He looks like he could use some lotion on his face. It looks dry around his mouth.
[pointing to diaper] All his moisture must be coming out down here.
Two-Year-Old: That’s right.
Wife: What a boy thing to say.
March 28, 2010
Wife: Butch, what is the matter with you?
Me: “I’m a dog. Duh! I’m gonna go eat some garbage.”
March 27, 2010
March 26, 2010
Two-Year-Old: I don’t want to sit on my lips!
March 25, 2010
Me: Looks like we’re going to watch I Spytonight.
Six-Year-Old: What’s that about?
Me: It’s about people who spy for a living.
Six-Year-Old: Sany-a’ wanted me to spy on her uncle for her.
Six-Year-Old: I don’t know.
March 24, 2010
Me: That’s what we need: a dog-herding sheep.
March 23, 2010
Wife [to Six-Year-Old]: Don’t eat like a chipmunk or a squirrel. It gets crumbs everywhere.
Me: Yeah, you’re a monkey. So eat like a monkey.
March 22, 2010
Wife: Are you sure you want to go through with this? Changing everything about you that needs to be changed?
Wife: It’s going to hurt a lot.
Six-Year-Old: Like putting earrings in there?