Pokeball

January 31, 2019

Friend: I’m in the Pokeball, so it doesn’t matter.

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Octopus

January 30, 2019

Friend: The water wizard will give everyone a face octopus.

Spirit

January 29, 2019

Friend: For the record, I’m planning on capturing a gnoll and breaking its spirit.

Hiding

January 28, 2019

Friend: Which one of them is going to be hiding in the Pokeball?

Sombrero

January 27, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: I’m a sombrero knight!

Wraith

January 26, 2019

Friend: Don’t want to interrupt any nookie or anything.
Me: Wraith/fox person nookie?

Goldballs

January 25, 2019

Me [reading comic book over Eleven-Year-Old’s shoulder]: “GO GOLDBALLS!” Is Goldballs an X-Man I don’t know about?
Eleven-Year-Old: Yep.
Me: There are too many X-Men.

I am not a crank.

You Can

January 24, 2019

Wife: [Six-Year-Old], can you not? Okay, now you can.

Knickers

January 23, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old:

Not to mention knickers.

Free

January 22, 2019

Me: Do people have free will after they’ve watched I Love Lucy in Plato’s Cave?