September 30, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Wash away the sin! Cleanse the sin from this wicked knife. You will live a better life soon, knife, a better life.


Good People

September 29, 2017

Me: I am not prejudiced against orcs. Some of them are good people.


September 28, 2017

Me: You awake to mushroom song in your ears.


September 27, 2017

Me: What kind of mushroom takes a siesta?
Friend: You sound like George on Seinfeld.


September 26, 2017

Wife: I have two things to say. First, I am super tired.
Me: Yeah, we can tell.
Wife: Second, the Swedish Army is awesome!


September 25, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I want to attack you, like normal people!
Me: That sounds pretty strange.
Ten-Year-Old: This is the middle ages!


September 24, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: There is no invincibility on a stone block!


September 23, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: Regular animatronics are not haunted by dead children.


September 22, 2017

Wife: What about this is funny?!
Ten-Year-Old: The pizza in the luggage.
Wife: Okay, you’re not entirely wrong about that.


September 21, 2017

Wife: Use this as a tool for self betterment. And don’t hide pizza crusts in luggage!