November 30, 2013

Nine-Year-Old and Six-Year-Old [singing]: Helicopter! Duh-nuh, duh-nuh, duh-nuh!
Helicopter! Doughnut, doughnut, doughnut!
Helicopter! Doughnut, doughnut, doughnut!
Helicopter! Doughnut, doughnut, doughnut!


November 29, 2013

Six-Year-Old: Have you ever seen a nerd before?
Wife: Yes, [Six-Year-Old], I have once or twice.
Nine-Year-Old: In the mirror?


November 28, 2013

Me: It’s like Waiting for Godot with stuffed food.
Wife: Waiting for Gateau.


November 27, 2013

Nine-Year-Old [playing with stuffed toys]: Pretend everybody teases Star because she’s not food, especially Bread.


November 26, 2013

Wife [as I open my car window on a bridge]: What are you doing?! What?!
Me: Are you afraid the fall is going to come in through the window and get you?


November 25, 2013

Wife: Seriously? We’re going to have a traffic jam on a bridge?
Me [reading sign]: A bridge “subject to crosswinds”!


November 24, 2013

Wife: There’s no such thing as the “cheese touch,” so shut up.


November 23, 2013

Me: He had his eyelashes turned around all the way, so they were actually upside down and sticking inside his lower eyelid.


November 22, 2013

Wife: Nothing says “romance” like leaving strange unidentified hairs for your sweetheart on the soap.

Funk Up

November 21, 2013

Wife: Can you close up this bag, so it doesn’t funk up the whole room?