September 30, 2013
Wife: I love you!
What is in your hair?
Wife: Some kind of bad-tasting lint.
September 28, 2013
Wife: Martin Luther had a poop philosophy.
Me: “I have a poop philosophy today!”
Wife: Not King!
September 27, 2013
Me: You and I have different poop philosophies.
September 26, 2013
Me: Can you get your elbow out of that?
Nine-Year-Old: Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize that was your leg.
Me: What did you think it was?
Nine-Year-Old: The couch.
Me: Is the couch warm and hairy?
Wife: Aaah! We need a new couch!
September 25, 2013
September 24, 2013
Wife: And the U. S. government has a sketchy green van.
Me: You think that’s sketchy? It’s in good condition… flex fuel. It doesn’t cry out to me, “Rape van,” or something.
September 22, 2013
Me: Chewing gum with real butter.
Wife: Gum with real butter. That’ll do it.
September 21, 2013
Wife: I don’t know what that is you’re describing, but it’s probably a stroke.