Sparkly

June 20, 2019

Friend: I’m eighty-five European years old, drinking dirty sunglasses, sitting on a sparkly couch, throwing darts.

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European

June 12, 2019

Student: Oh, you’re eighty-five in European years.

Fourteen

June 7, 2019

Colleague: Fourteen people in America are killed every year by darts.

Maturity

May 19, 2019

Me: Since you turned eleven and [Friend] turned fifty, you’ve both shown a lot more maturity.

Blog.
Eleven-Year-Old: Just a bit. Actually, too much maturity.

May 2, 2019

Eleven-Year-Old: My budget is a sideways eight.

Bees

March 9, 2019

Friend: Bees can count to four.
Other Friend: But bees don’t know they can count to four.
Eleven-Year-Old: But bees can’t swim.

Replace

January 8, 2019

Six-Year-Old: Three hours later… one more lightbulb to replace….

Decade

December 30, 2018

Six-Year-Old: What if it takes a decade? In a decade, I’ll be sixteen!

Million

December 12, 2018

Six-Year-Old: I thought I had more than a million dollars in my bank account!

Bessel Functions

November 17, 2018

Me: I want a tee-shirt that says: “I nought heart Bessel functions.”