May 29, 2020

Me: So you’re saying that in nineteen fifty-six, they had a competition, to replace the previous two years’ contests, according to the principles of Maoism?


May 10, 2020

Me: More Bopp-Podolsky shit.


May 4, 2020

Me: Why was I worrying about equations getting dusty?


May 3, 2020

Sixteen-Year-Old: I’m going to get a four on this exam, and I’m going to hate myself.
Me: I doesn’t really matter if you get a four. The distinction between four and five isn’t really meaningful.
Sixteen-Year-Old: You’re still like, “I could have gotten a five on that exam, but it was the second one I took that day,” all this time later.


May 1, 2020

Colleague: I’ve only graded the first problem, but on it they had exactly the same wrong answer.


April 30, 2020

Me: I should stop answering calls from things that aren’t even legal phone numbers.


April 29, 2020

Colleague: I just want to make sure that I understand.
Me: You don’t.


April 25, 2020

Me: Some are pretty good, but some just spin out of control, and by the last couple pages I have no idea what the student is trying to calculate.


April 14, 2020

Me: Now I have something else to have disturbing dreams about: partition functions.


March 27, 2020

Friend: If you pour water from the chalice on the arm, do you get two Gnashs?