Manure

December 13, 2019

Seven-Year-Old: Maybe they have a giant manure thing. Do you remember
that Autobot car we saw?
Me: You saw a giant Autobot poop truck?

Event

December 11, 2019

Fifteen-Year-Old: Nobody asked about your opinion of the terrible pillow throwing event.

Bus

December 9, 2019

Fifteen-Year-Old: This morning, it felt like a scuz bus.

Plywood

November 27, 2019

Me [to Twelve-Year-Old]: Oh, are we playing the stick-out-the-lip game?

I won.

My phone thinks I said “plywood.”

Reaper

November 24, 2019

Me: I just saw a commercial with the Grim Reaper, come to claim someone’s refrigerator.

Ambulance

November 15, 2019

Me: I saw an ambulance and mistook it for a food truck.

Blasting

November 10, 2019

Me: Blasting gelatinous cube.

Grain

November 9, 2019

Friend: You see thousands of tiny spiders, popping like grain products in a microwave.

Playfully

November 6, 2019

Friend: You playfully bathe each other in napalm.

Send

November 4, 2019

Me: You’re going to send them to TV Tropes? They’ll never escape.