Coffin

July 5, 2017

Wife: I never thought I would have to say that at a bat mitzvah party: “Stay out of the coffin!”

Grocery

June 25, 2017

Man Leaving Grocery Store: Do you think they’ll let me in without one? You know, having a smart phone, or a tablet, or something for the grocery store.

Escape

June 20, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Oh, look. There’s an escape tentacle.

Zapato

June 11, 2017

Nine-Year-Old: Do you want it in Spanish?
Wife: [Nine-Year-Old], it’s his.
Nine-Year-Old: It’s just weird, though.
Electronic Toy Keyboard: Zapato.
Five-Year-Old: “Shoes”? “Z” starts with “shoes”?

Blocky

June 7, 2017

Cashier: I tried playing Minecraft, but I couldn’t understand it.
Nine-Year-Old: It’s a world with lots of blocky stuff and death… and peaceful things.

Tornado

June 2, 2017

Wife: Do you know what a tornado sounds like?
Five-Year-Old: A giant vacuum cleaner!

Dynamite

May 20, 2017

Wife: That was a waste of good dynamite. That was also…
Oh, my face!

Ages

May 6, 2017

Nine-Year-Old: There were no cannons in the Roman ages. There was just magic.

Credit

May 4, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Credit cards everywhere! Credit card fight!

Coconut

April 30, 2017

Nine-Year-Old: Let’s see if they have coconut cars.