Molly

Student:  She wouldn’t have been in the closet if it was just Molly she was on.

Pretend

Student:  You get drunk and do drugs.  Then you go home and pretend it never happened.  Never talk about it.

Harvard

Me:  She led us into a trap where a bunch of Harvard students disguised as Algonquin Indians beat us to death with chains.

Like Home

First Friend:  It looks like home.
Second Friend:  We all know what happens to homes.

Fucks

Sixteen-Year-Old:  I try to do the right thing, but you fucks keep killing everything.

Strangled

Friend:  Sounds like a cat in heat being strangled by an illusionist.

Dwarf Love Day

Twelve-Year-Old:  They had the Dwarf Love Day Massacre.

Speakeasies

Friend:  We had dwarven speakeasies.

Invasions

Friend:  Our single greatest specialty is home invasions.

Pilfer

Colleague:  Hey, baby, can I pilfer through your pockets?