Two-Headed
January 31, 2020
Me: I think Gnash went to the little two-headed ogres’ room.
Scary
January 30, 2020
Wife: Is that a zombie dinosaur?
Fifteen-Year-Old: No.
Me: It’s a dinosaur wearing a scary mask.
Giggling
January 29, 2020
Wife: Stop giggling at your penis!
Bogus
January 28, 2020
Friend: Bogus cheeser city searcher.
Three
January 27, 2020
Me: What’s the matter? Is there something wrong?
Fifteen-Year-Old: Three days!
Me: “Three days,” what? “Three days,” what?
Fifteen-Year-Old: Just be quiet.
Bug
January 26, 2020
Friend: Plus, the bug smells like him.
Quickly
January 25, 2020
Me: Please finish your quesadilla quickly.
Eight-Year-Old: I can’t.
Me: Why not?
Eight-Year-Old: I’m not sitting.
Me: Thank you, Severian.
Judge
January 24, 2020
Me: Usually, that’s a metaphor: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” But this time, we mean it literally, not to judge it based just on its cover.
The Tub
January 23, 2020
Eight-Year-Old: No, you have to drop out to get in the tub.
Bink
January 22, 2020
Cousin’s Cousin [to her niece]: Tell Grandpa, “That’s my bink.” You don’t touch a girl’s bink.
Your Dialogue is Unrealistic. 