Blockbuster

July 31, 2012

Me: It’s kind of unusual, that this is a combination wine store and cafe.
Grandmother: It used to be a Blockbuster.

Advertisements

Gnomes

July 30, 2012

Wife [to Infant]: Do you have gnomes in your underpants, or just pee?

Atypical

July 29, 2012

Grandmother: [Uncle], you weren’t there when he took them to the game an hour and a half early. So where did you get that?
Uncle: You know, it wasn’t really that atypical.

Senile

July 28, 2012

Grandmother: I don’t think my mother-in-law knew my name, until she became senile, and then she remembered.

Dishwasher

July 27, 2012

Me: Ow! This dishwasher door is very heavy.
Uncle: That sounds like a children’s book.

Bathtub

July 26, 2012

Five-Year-Old: I like your bathtub.
Uncle: Thank you. I like your shirt.

Pit

July 25, 2012

Uncle: I’m going to throw this down…
Five-Year-Old: … the meow-meow pit?

Egg

July 24, 2012

Eight-Year-Old [playing Angry Birds]: I farted an egg on you, and you died!

Uncanny

July 23, 2012

Wife: I need clean pants, clean clothes.
Me: They’re on the other side of that wall.
Wife:
Me: Go get ’em, Shadow Cat!

Principles

July 22, 2012

Man Riding Bicycle and Yelling on Cellular Phone: Don’t you know I have principles?! How dare you?!