Dream

Fourteen-Year-Old:  It was all held together with duct tape, and a dream, really.

Sins

Me:  I’m going to go lie down and die.
Fourteen-Year-Old:  Do you want us to wake you up at some point?
Me:  Not if I’m dead.
Fourteen-Year-Old:  If you’re dead, I’m definitely going to wake you up.
Me:  Thank you, Jesus.
Fourteen-Year-Old:  You’re not dying for my sins!

Nonfat

Me:  The recipe calls for nonfat water.

Zevon

Me:  I was clicking too fast, in time with Warren Zevon.

Recommendations

Nine-Year-Old:  Maybe don’t wear that on your head.
Fourteen-Year-Old:  Make me.
Nine-Year-Old:  Just recommendations.

Tracked

Woman:  I stepped in hair dye and tracked it into the house.

Stops

Me:  This ad is like “The Machine Stops.”

Clones

Me:  They’re both Henry Silva clones!

Jam

Me:  I’ve always wanted to pull out my knife and jam it point down into the table.

Heavily

Friend:  Today’s linguistic question:  If you become heavily involved in the Bitcoin industry, would you become a “crypto-Jew”?