Rice

January 31, 2010

Me: We have R-I-S-E O-F D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R-S.
Wife: What?
Five-Year-Old: Dough nuts?
Me: R-I-S-E O-F D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R-S.
Wife: Rice?
Me: R-I-S-E.
Wife: Oh.
Five-Year-Old: Rice dough nuts?

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Rock

January 30, 2010

Five-Year-Old: Do you want to go to Brixx?
Two-Year-Old: No.
Five-Year-Old: It’s a restaurant.
Two-Year-Old: No, it isn’t. It’s rock.

Black Beans

January 29, 2010

Five-Year-Old: What do you want?
Two-Year-Old: I want pizza! I don’t want black beans. I don’t want soda.

Dentistry

January 28, 2010

Me: I said, you’re right, but we were there—we did once witness somebody wanting to get dentistry as an impulse buy.
Wife: I don’t think I was there. I think I was unconscious.

Carpool

January 27, 2010

Wife: You always need to carpool, because you don’t have your own car or a license.
Five-Year-Old: Oh, I forgot!

Tortillas

January 26, 2010

Wife: You’re storing open tortillas in the what… what… what… what…?
God! You’ve broken my brain again!

Lake

January 25, 2010

Wife: If we lived near a lake, we might need to have a boat to get around.
Me: Remember, we used to live by a lake.
Five-Year-Old: That was a swimming pool!

Convert

January 24, 2010

Me: What do you want to do about Shabbat supper?
Wife: Convert.

Hand Prints

January 23, 2010

Me: Don’t the windows in the cars look good?
Wife: Are you trying to focus on the last thing you did that I liked?
Me: No, just whenever I’m in the car now, I notice how clear they look.
Wife: Actually, right now they’re all fogged up and disgusting.
What are you doing? Wiping fog around with your sleeve is one of the leading causes of hand prints.
Me: Hand prints? These are dust-free sleves.

No, they’re not.

Dinosaurs

January 22, 2010

Five-Year-Old: The one I was talking about was Rise of the Dinosaurs.
Me: It’s silly to have dinosaurs in an Ice Age movie.
Five-Year-Old: What is all of Ice Age? Silly, it’s all made up.