June 4, 2020

Me:  I had a real 2001 moment.  I woke up and thought there was a monolith in my room.


April 3, 2020

Me: They don’t understand anything about money laundering, law enforcement, organized crime, or electricity.


March 30, 2020

Friend: Next time I’ll ask for my standard dinner breast.

Hmmm… blog?
Me: So let it be written. So let it be done.


February 17, 2020

Me: It’s Maximilian Schell doing Hamlet. It’s Max Schell and a bunch of second-rate German TV actors.


February 6, 2020

Twelve-Year-Old: Is he going to live in a cave?
Me: He’s going to live in a small Buddhist shrine, I think.
Twelve-Year-Old: Cave, small Buddhist shrine—it’s the same thing.


December 25, 2019

Me: Look if there’s cheap CG outside eating reality.


November 29, 2019

Twelve-Year-Old: Phil Swift does not sell state secrets!
Me: Now that’s a lot of damage… to national security.


November 24, 2019

Me: I just saw a commercial with the Grim Reaper, come to claim someone’s refrigerator.


November 22, 2019

Me: I admit, so putting the ring on somebody who was unconscious was a—
Friend: Bad idea.
Me: Yeah, bad idea. Like a When I going to get back to Haiti? moment.


September 29, 2019

Me: What one are you talking about?
First Friend: Avatar.
Second Friend: James Cameron’s Pocahontas.
First Friend: To be fair, they’re all Pocahontas.