Alternate

Friend:  I lost track of who was in which alternate universe in Counterpart, so I don’t know the meaning of the very last scene.

Sanity

Friend:  Is a sanity language a thing?
Me:  Not to my knowledge.

Crewing

Me:  My post-vaccination fever dreams: We ended up crewing a spacecraft with an endless number of semisentient clones of Snoop

Competent

Me:  Can you ask [Nine-Year-Old] what happened to the hex wrench that was sitting in the desk?
Wife:  He says it is now on his bed. And that it shouldn’t be stored on a desk. Why he instead stored it in bed, he couldn’t answer.
Me:  I’m sure he had a competent reason.

Salty

Friend:  While getting ready to eat some too salty Publix fried chicken it occurred to me that Wolfram’s new physics is explicitly Everettian, which seems like a good thing.

Blueberries

Seventeen-Year-Old:  Ow!
Me:  What happened?
Seventeen-Year-Old:  I just hit myself in the eye.
Wife:  With blueberries.

Mustache

Man on Cellular Phone:  I was walking around, and people were looking at me.  I realized I had peanut butter in my mustache.  Nobody told me!

Like Trees

Me:  It smells like The Power and the Glory.  No, I mean like The Sound and the Fury.

Umbrella

Friend:  Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Me:  Because half the time he’s so stoned out of his mind, he thinks he’s Major Allison Digby Tatham-Warter?
Friend:  Fo drizzle.
Me:  I liked mine better.
Friend:  You need to work on your dad joke skills.

If you delete the “-2” from the end of the last URL, you get a rare Clark Ashton Smith joke.

Highway

Me:  Does somebody want to explain Lost Highway to me?