April 30, 2010

Six-Year-Old [reading]: “Butterfly biscuit recipe”?
Wife: What?
Six-Year-Old: Oh, “buttery biscuit recipe.”



April 29, 2010

Two-Year-Old: I want my cape on!
Me: No, Batman.
Wife: Uh, no.
Two-Year-Old: I want my cape on!
Me: You want your capon?


April 28, 2010

Me: Alright, little man, where are your shoes and socks.
Two-Year-Old: I don’t know. On the floor.
Me: You “don’t know” and “on the floor”?
Six-Year-Old: That should go on FAIL Blog too.
Wife: Great, she thinks your blog is FAIL Blog.


April 27, 2010

Two-Year-Old: No! You bit me sad!!!
Wife: What do you mean, he “bit you sad”? That makes no sense.
Two-Year-Old: Yes, it is funny!


April 26, 2010

Wife: Hey Brett: baby shampoo!
Me: It is Aveeno! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!


April 25, 2010

Me: Are you done with your ice cream?
Two-Year-Old: Yes, I done.
Me: Then I’m going to have a little of it.
Two-Year-Old: No! I’m not done!


April 24, 2010

Me: Alright, let’s go.
Six-Year-Old [putting on shoe]: Hold on, I’m trying to pull my tongue out!


April 23, 2010

Me [feeling very light-headed]: Ugh. Now I need to get up and pee, and I really don’t want to.
Two-Year-Old: Go on. You can do it!


April 22, 2010

Me: Every time we mention that turbinado “Sugar in the Raw,” I hear “Turkey in the Straw” in my head.

23 g Per Serving

April 21, 2010

Six-Year-Old [reading box of candy]: Of sugar, it has twenty-threegg.