Missouri

Me: Oh, I forgot. All calls from Missouri are scams.

Set

Sixteen-Year-Old: When you set it on fire, it smells like cotton candy.

Holiest

Me: Here I am, on the holiest night of the year, buying groceries.

Bummed

Me: [Student] just told me she was bummed about turning thirty.

Within

Me: Come on, within.

Dilute

Me: This guy wants to dilute his vinegar. He has an unconventional idea for how to do it.

Want

Me: He didn’t want to see the dogs get it.

Degrading

Friend: Only degrading porn is degrading.

I

Me:  I always root for the worm god.

Guncotton

Me: We made film out of guncotton for decades! How did anybody survive at the movies?