Misbehavior

Me: Is Anthony Wiener‘s misbehavior actually the most brilliant viral marketing campaign of all time?

Diving

Nine-Year-Old: I have a new sport: car diving!

Bras

Me: There are car bras, so why aren’t there any car panties?

Workup

Wife: “Complete urogenital tract workup” is just one of the worst phrases in the language.

Sausage

Wife: If you’re trying to get another boy to go out to the shed and share a sausage with you, farting isn’t the best idea.
Me: I wasn’t trying that hard.

Capes

Wife: Sometimes it’s just better to let the conversation flow, because then you get butt-less capes.

Yahweh

Me: I am that I am, and that’s all I am. I’m Yahweh the sailor man!

Source

Me: Oh, you’re thinking of the sex machine from Barbarella. That was the source of our confusion.

Impression

Wife: Oh, my god. Why is your terrible Paula Deen impression so sexy?

Emperor

Wife: You created a perverted sex emperor. You are not a perverted sex emperor.