August 31, 2016
Me: Is Anthony Wiener‘s misbehavior actually the most brilliant viral marketing campaign of all time?
August 30, 2016
Nine-Year-Old: I have a new sport: car diving!
August 28, 2016
Wife: “Complete urogenital tract workup” is just one of the worst phrases in the language.
August 27, 2016
Wife: If you’re trying to get another boy to go out to the shed and share a sausage with you, farting isn’t the best idea.
Me: I wasn’t trying that hard.
August 26, 2016
Wife: Sometimes it’s just better to let the conversation flow, because then you get butt-less capes.
August 24, 2016
Me: Oh, you’re thinking of the sex machine from Barbarella. That was the source of our confusion.
August 22, 2016
Wife: You created a perverted sex emperor. You are not a perverted sex emperor.